Sunday, December 7, 2008

'Tis the season

For half-assed efforts.

My neighbours need either a lot more Christmas spirit, or a touch less.

Usually decorations get a fail for being gawdy, overdone and tasteless. No such luck here.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Shatner channels Denny Crane

Shatner explains that he and George Takei are virtual strangers, but is puzzled as to why he wasn't invited to his wedding.

Perhaps he should channel Jenny Craig instead of Denny Craig. (Yes, I went there. You want astute commentary, go somewhere else. You want cheap laughs at other people's expense, pull up a seat.)

Why I have google ads

It's certainly not that I expect I'll ever have enough readership to earn any money at this. I have stocks for that, LOL.

It's that seeing what their "Adsense" makes of one's writing is endlessly amusing. What, for example, made it decide that you folks are interested in

End Teenage Bed Wetting
Tired of Waiting To
Outgrow Bedwets Get
Treatment That Works
For You!

Could it be the picture in my profile?

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

OK, so I guess I really am a commie, pinko, fag

The Political Compass

Economic Left/Right: -5.88
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -5.79

You can take the test here.

Trying to decide who to believe

When I'm not a witness, and I have to decide who is more credible, perhaps it's unfair, but I tend to go for the one who doesn't see this in the mirror.

Rae, Ignatieff in non-agression pact

OTTAWA– Michael Ignatieff and Bob Rae have struck an informal non-aggression pact in a bid to avoid turning the coming Liberal leadership contest into another divisive showdown between the two perceived front-runners.

I'm impressed. Historically, these have usually worked out well.

Things you didn't need to know about people you've never heard of

British chat show host Jonathan Ross has revealed that he once pleasured himself using a Hoover nozzle, but the experience "hurt like hell."

"I reached for the nozzle, turned her on and gingerly inserted myself into the tube," he wrote. "The suction power of a Hoover is far, far greater than what is called for in this circumstance."

All these years when Brits have talked about "taking the tube" I must admit I had a very different mental image.

Billie Births Baby Boy

Billie Piper has given birth to a baby boy at Portland Hospital in London. The father is her husband Laurence Fox. No word on Who the Doctor was, but it's been narrowed down to these ten:

Yes, I'm lame. Yes, I'm a lame fanboy geek.

So... any chance of getting a first NHL team in that case?

Reports of second NHL team in Toronto 'nonsense'

Rogering on Rogers

TV viewers who settled down to watch a classic movie yesterday afternoon might have been shocked off of their couches when hard-core porn suddenly flashed across their sets.

The short blast of uninvited porn -- including an anal sex act -- was in the middle of a commercial that aired during a movie on Rogers' AMC channel twice between 3:30 and 4 p.m.

"I was shocked," said Robert Meredith, 47, of Barrie, who said the porn aired for more than a minute while he was watching Patriot Games, starring Harrison Ford.

Maybe it was just this?

Solution in search of a problem

Scouts to get advice on safe sex

The Scouts, the youth movement best known for its focus on bracing outdoor activities such as camping, hiking and fishing, is to arm its teenage members with practical advice about sex.

The movement, whose motto is Be Prepared, has issued new guidelines aimed at Explorer scouts between 14 and 18 in a bid to help them better understand some of the realities about sexual relationships

In my experience, still being in scouting as a teenager is the best possible protection against having unsafe, or indeed, any sex.

The Wisdom of Dogs

This morning an electrician came by to do some work in my kitchen. Sébastien ignored him, didn't go near him. If a friend comes over, even one he's never met before, he will bond with them instantly and spend at least 20 minutes demanding they demonstrate how much they love him.

It's amazing how they pick up on things, perhaps from our body language, perhaps tone of voice. My old dog could tell when I was ordering pizza. Just by the way I picked up the phone. He didn't react when I'd pick up the phone for social reasons, or non-food related calls to companies, but before I could even push the first button of the phone number to a restaurant he was in his usual pizza's coming mode.

The pizza's coming mode, by the way, consisted of running at top speed through the place, up and down the stairs or into the bedroom running around in circles on the bed.

The Stupidity of Dogs

On The other hand, Sébastien is utterly incapable of understanding whether or not people are his friends. I have friends who don't like him. He has yet to process this information.

Monday, October 20, 2008

My Dog's Balls

My dog's name is Sébastien. He's half Border Collie, so of course he's insane.

His insanity manifests itself artistically. Or at least, so I like to pretend.

It's his balls. No, not those balls. He's like a Disney cartoon. Even lying on his back with his legs spread, nothing shows. Very tasteful.

No, I'm talking about his other balls. Tennis balls, rubber balls, etc. He finds them and brings them home. And once he does, he does strange things with them.

He likes to organize things. He used to line them up on the window sill, but now they're arranged artistically around his dish. Note the Denta-stick propped up.

If this was the extent of it, that would be ok, but I'm afraid he's ventured into things (non-Dr.) Charles McVety would never approve of. It's true, you see. Same-sex marriage leads to inter-species sex. That's a kitten feeling up a bunny rabbit. And from the arrangement of the tennis balls, it's clear they're lesbians and he's giving a shout out to The L-Word.

It gets worse, I'm afraid.

He's set his sights on a new career working for that Canadian porn channel based in Ken Epp's home.

His plan? Choreographer for orgies.