Monday, October 20, 2008

My Dog's Balls

My dog's name is Sébastien. He's half Border Collie, so of course he's insane.

His insanity manifests itself artistically. Or at least, so I like to pretend.

It's his balls. No, not those balls. He's like a Disney cartoon. Even lying on his back with his legs spread, nothing shows. Very tasteful.

No, I'm talking about his other balls. Tennis balls, rubber balls, etc. He finds them and brings them home. And once he does, he does strange things with them.

He likes to organize things. He used to line them up on the window sill, but now they're arranged artistically around his dish. Note the Denta-stick propped up.

If this was the extent of it, that would be ok, but I'm afraid he's ventured into things (non-Dr.) Charles McVety would never approve of. It's true, you see. Same-sex marriage leads to inter-species sex. That's a kitten feeling up a bunny rabbit. And from the arrangement of the tennis balls, it's clear they're lesbians and he's giving a shout out to The L-Word.

It gets worse, I'm afraid.

He's set his sights on a new career working for that Canadian porn channel based in Ken Epp's home.

His plan? Choreographer for orgies.


jj said...

Hahahahahaha! That's awesome, RB!

jj said...

I forgot to ask -- what is he crossed with? He looks like he might have some rough collie in him.

Reality Bites said...

The other half is (I'm told) German Shepherd. You can see it a bit in his low hindquarters and when his ears are pointing up (like in the profile picture.)

jj said...

He's beautiful, that's for sure.

I like your profile pic, by the way. Ha! The hydrant!

Reality Bites said...

I'm not sure if you can really see it, but someone wrote on it "Pee here."

deBeauxOs said...

I liked the subliminal nod to The L-word.

But some of those arrangements give pause. Can dogs have Asperger's?

Reality Bites said...

If cats "can has cheezburger" I don't see why dogs can't have Asperger's.

Seriously, when I was first told about his availability I researched Border Collies and was relieved he's as sane as his is.

I think he herds balls and stuffed animals because he's afraid of anything that can fight back. In my old place there were two ancient Jack Russells he wouldn't get in the elevator with because they barked at him too loudly.

I've never known a less agressive dog, all the more remarkable considering he's not neutered. I'm generally in favour of neutering, but he wasn't neutered when I got him, and I soon realized there was no chance of him ever impregnating another dog, as his proclivities are strictly oral, even with dogs in heat.